Doors

Part 13

When I wrote about how gents are supposed to open doors for ladies, I got a large number of questions asking about certain types of doors. I am going to copy the email, and then explain each type of door:

Ø  Revolving doors - Take your shirt off and carry the lady through the revolving door like a fireman.

Ø  Wine cellar doors - Take your shirt off and break in the cellar door with a fireman's ax.

Ø  Manhole covers - Take your shirt off and bash in the manhole cover like a yogurt lid, high five Donatello and Michelangelo, and carry the lady down into the sewer like a fireman.

Ø  Automatic Door - After you trigger the automatic door, stand in the doorway keeping it open letting all the cold air into the store. Don't forget to take your shirt off.

Ø  Castle Door - Use your body as a battering ram.

Ø  Cockpit Door - Freely violate FSA regulations and let anyone wearing a skirt into the cockpit.

Ø  Car Door - You just need to be fast here and get to the any card door before the lady does. Also, you need to be shirtless.

Ø  Horse carriage door - You'll probably need your sword here.

Ø  Christian Dior - Again, take your shirt off. The "dior" will immediately surrender to you.

Now none of the ideas after each type of door is the correct gentlemanly way to open the door. UNLESS you have the ripped abs of a fireman.

Ø  Revolving doors- allow the lady you are with to get in first and then gentle push the door around, letting her out first, and making sure that you don’t run her over with the door.

Ø  Wine cellar doors- a lady should never be asked to get more wine for two reasons. 1^st, it is cold and damp. 2^nd that is where the spiders made their nest and will bite you to protect it. Therefore, when you, the man, go down to get more wine bring a nail gun, with a full tank of compresses air.

Ø  Manhole covers-Unless you are a Ninja turtle, or a utility worker, never open a manhole cover.

Ø  Automatic doors- again allow the lady first entry and follow behind her, not super close that could be freaky and weird.

Ø  Castle door- if you have a castle door that you are a lady are walking into, two things will happen. 1^st someone will open the door for both of you. If that happens let the lady go first. If someone lowers a drawbridge, try very hard not to soil your pants, and let the lady go first, however, stay close as you may have to fend off an invading knight wishing to steal thy lady.

Ø  Cockpit door- unless you want to get tassed by the Air Marshall, keep that door closed.

Ø  Horse Carriage- again there will be someone to open that door for you