Part 14 The Flying Dutchmen

Going dutch, the dating practice where the bill is split 50/50 or each person pays for their own meal. In principle a great idea, but when it is time for the guy to pay for the full meal/date cost?

I thing that as a gentlemen, the first 3 dates should be dutched up. After the third date, it would seem to me that most couples would be exclusively dating by that time. If that is the case then on the fourth date the guy should be buying the dinner, movie tickets, the pieces of a meal that make up a picnic.  By the way, picnics are generally very romantic, because of the ability to be alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend. I would avoid picnics for at least the first four dates, after that they are fair game. I would recommend if you live near the Gorge, in the state of Oregon, many of the waterfalls in the area would be a great place for a picnic.

Back to the dutchness, sometimes the girl will still want to pay for a part of the date, I recommend that to prevent this, take the bill and pay it quickly, if you aren’t fast enough to grab the bill, in a sneaky way as possible, take her card/money out of the billfold and replace it yours your own. Preferably not one that you stole.

If you following these simple dutch tips, you should have a good start towards a gentlemen approved dates.

Doors

Part 13

When I wrote about how gents are supposed to open doors for ladies, I got a large number of questions asking about certain types of doors. I am going to copy the email, and then explain each type of door:

Ø  Revolving doors - Take your shirt off and carry the lady through the revolving door like a fireman.

Ø  Wine cellar doors - Take your shirt off and break in the cellar door with a fireman's ax.

Ø  Manhole covers - Take your shirt off and bash in the manhole cover like a yogurt lid, high five Donatello and Michelangelo, and carry the lady down into the sewer like a fireman.

Ø  Automatic Door - After you trigger the automatic door, stand in the doorway keeping it open letting all the cold air into the store. Don't forget to take your shirt off.

Ø  Castle Door - Use your body as a battering ram.

Ø  Cockpit Door - Freely violate FSA regulations and let anyone wearing a skirt into the cockpit.

Ø  Car Door - You just need to be fast here and get to the any card door before the lady does. Also, you need to be shirtless.

Ø  Horse carriage door - You'll probably need your sword here.

Ø  Christian Dior - Again, take your shirt off. The "dior" will immediately surrender to you.

Now none of the ideas after each type of door is the correct gentlemanly way to open the door. UNLESS you have the ripped abs of a fireman.

Ø  Revolving doors- allow the lady you are with to get in first and then gentle push the door around, letting her out first, and making sure that you don’t run her over with the door.

Ø  Wine cellar doors- a lady should never be asked to get more wine for two reasons. 1^st, it is cold and damp. 2^nd that is where the spiders made their nest and will bite you to protect it. Therefore, when you, the man, go down to get more wine bring a nail gun, with a full tank of compresses air.

Ø  Manhole covers-Unless you are a Ninja turtle, or a utility worker, never open a manhole cover.

Ø  Automatic doors- again allow the lady first entry and follow behind her, not super close that could be freaky and weird.

Ø  Castle door- if you have a castle door that you are a lady are walking into, two things will happen. 1^st someone will open the door for both of you. If that happens let the lady go first. If someone lowers a drawbridge, try very hard not to soil your pants, and let the lady go first, however, stay close as you may have to fend off an invading knight wishing to steal thy lady.

Ø  Cockpit door- unless you want to get tassed by the Air Marshall, keep that door closed.

Ø  Horse Carriage- again there will be someone to open that door for you