Part 14 The Flying Dutchmen

Going dutch, the dating practice where the bill is split 50/50 or each person pays for their own meal. In principle a great idea, but when it is time for the guy to pay for the full meal/date cost?

I thing that as a gentlemen, the first 3 dates should be dutched up. After the third date, it would seem to me that most couples would be exclusively dating by that time. If that is the case then on the fourth date the guy should be buying the dinner, movie tickets, the pieces of a meal that make up a picnic.  By the way, picnics are generally very romantic, because of the ability to be alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend. I would avoid picnics for at least the first four dates, after that they are fair game. I would recommend if you live near the Gorge, in the state of Oregon, many of the waterfalls in the area would be a great place for a picnic.

Back to the dutchness, sometimes the girl will still want to pay for a part of the date, I recommend that to prevent this, take the bill and pay it quickly, if you aren’t fast enough to grab the bill, in a sneaky way as possible, take her card/money out of the billfold and replace it yours your own. Preferably not one that you stole.

If you following these simple dutch tips, you should have a good start towards a gentlemen approved dates.

Doors

Part 13

When I wrote about how gents are supposed to open doors for ladies, I got a large number of questions asking about certain types of doors. I am going to copy the email, and then explain each type of door:

Ø  Revolving doors - Take your shirt off and carry the lady through the revolving door like a fireman.

Ø  Wine cellar doors - Take your shirt off and break in the cellar door with a fireman's ax.

Ø  Manhole covers - Take your shirt off and bash in the manhole cover like a yogurt lid, high five Donatello and Michelangelo, and carry the lady down into the sewer like a fireman.

Ø  Automatic Door - After you trigger the automatic door, stand in the doorway keeping it open letting all the cold air into the store. Don't forget to take your shirt off.

Ø  Castle Door - Use your body as a battering ram.

Ø  Cockpit Door - Freely violate FSA regulations and let anyone wearing a skirt into the cockpit.

Ø  Car Door - You just need to be fast here and get to the any card door before the lady does. Also, you need to be shirtless.

Ø  Horse carriage door - You'll probably need your sword here.

Ø  Christian Dior - Again, take your shirt off. The "dior" will immediately surrender to you.

Now none of the ideas after each type of door is the correct gentlemanly way to open the door. UNLESS you have the ripped abs of a fireman.

Ø  Revolving doors- allow the lady you are with to get in first and then gentle push the door around, letting her out first, and making sure that you don’t run her over with the door.

Ø  Wine cellar doors- a lady should never be asked to get more wine for two reasons. 1^st, it is cold and damp. 2^nd that is where the spiders made their nest and will bite you to protect it. Therefore, when you, the man, go down to get more wine bring a nail gun, with a full tank of compresses air.

Ø  Manhole covers-Unless you are a Ninja turtle, or a utility worker, never open a manhole cover.

Ø  Automatic doors- again allow the lady first entry and follow behind her, not super close that could be freaky and weird.

Ø  Castle door- if you have a castle door that you are a lady are walking into, two things will happen. 1^st someone will open the door for both of you. If that happens let the lady go first. If someone lowers a drawbridge, try very hard not to soil your pants, and let the lady go first, however, stay close as you may have to fend off an invading knight wishing to steal thy lady.

Ø  Cockpit door- unless you want to get tassed by the Air Marshall, keep that door closed.

Ø  Horse Carriage- again there will be someone to open that door for you

The Return of Chivalry

The Return of Chivalry

   I recently heard a story, about a girl, whom was with a group of people and had a guy open the door for her. She was quite shocked and did not know what to do. I say props to you sir, who opened the door for the ladies. Way to be awesome! Upon hearing this I came to the conclusion that I may in fact, not be the last remaining gentleman on earth.
   This brings me to my point, it is very sad, that women find it odd when guys open doors for them. This along taking your hat off when you enter a building, or tipping your hat if outdoors. I never understood the last one, but that is okay. I have always had the belief that if you want to get noticed, open doors for people. It not only makes you look good, but you may meet your spouse. When I was in college, I held the door open for some people, I had no idea who they were, the next day one of them, a nice looking female came up and said, “You held to door open for me the other day and I wanted to meet you.” We started hanging out and dated for a few months before I became a jerk and retired from dating because of my behavior to this girl.
   My point is this, even if you have no idea that you are being noticed when you hold a door open for a lady, you are noticed. Even at school, in High school I had the idea that when I was going o run for Student Body President, that I would go to different doors, and open them all morning for those coming to school, to get notice and to say hi. It would have worked had it not been for stupid rules about needed t years of leadership class to run for ASB president.

How fast is too fast.

   I was watching a movie once and I heard this line, “If you’re not first your last.” Thinking about that quote, I thought does that apply to dating and relationships as well. How fast are people supposed to move in relationships? I have heard and seen, a couple get married after knowing each other for 6 months. I have also seen high school sweet hearts get married after college. On the other hand, I have seen people never get married, and I have seen people who have been together, whether married or not, just stop being together. I have seen many different types of relationships.

   This post is more of a discussion starter then my thoughts. Being that I haven’t dating for going on 7 years now, I am out of the loop as far as how fast things are supposed to move physically in a relationship. The last time I was in a relationship, it took me about 3 months before I kissed my girlfriend and about 3 weeks to start holding her hand. Is that a normal time frame?

   Mr. T, my good friend, dated a girl in high school, for about 6 months I think. This was back in 2001, last decade, they then went to France and “did it” had sex. At the time I didn’t understand why he did this, as he had no job, she didn’t either, and his mom was downstairs in the house. I never have, and still don’t understand why people, who have no means of supporting themselves, let alone a family, chose to make decisions that could lead them down a road of dark bitterness and hate.

   So, if you have any thoughts on the matter of how fast relationships are supposed to go, please post them as comments or on the Facebook page for this site. Search for “The Journey” and click on the one with a picture.

Where's a tree? I'm bothered.

   One thing that has always bugged the tar out of me is when a friend starts dating someone, and then never wants to do something without the new boyfriend/girlfriend. I have a friend, Mr. T, the same friend from a few postings ago. When he started dating his first girlfriend, we will call her Rachel; he never did anything without her. Granted we were in high school, but I remember one day Mr. T picked me up for school, and we went from my house, to Rachel house. Not a problem, I was indifferent to Rachel at this point in time. So, we get to Rachel house, and she comes to the car, and then her and Mr. T start making out in the front seats of the car, while I am sitting in the back. Now, to Mr. T's credit, he did ask me to close my eyes. The problem was that one of their elbows was resting on my knee. It was creepy. 

   During the summer, Phil would often be busy with Rachel, and was never able to hang out unless she was there too. So, to help pass the time, I would often call Mr. T just to interrupt whatever they were doing. That was mean; do not do that to people.

   With the next few girlfriends that Mr. T had, the same thing, the girlfriend was always there. Some of the girls were super awesome, like "Levi jeans", the future wife. Some girls sucked like the one before the future Mrs. T. I do not remember her name, but I did not like this one. 

   There have been other friends that have also done this. My good friend "Jean Luc", dating a girl for I think about 2 years, and was super happy with her, and at the drop of a hat, would go to her aid. They did everything together, in fact he stopped do things with Mr. T and I altogether unless we went and woke him up.

   I understand that when you care for someone you want to spend time with him or her. I get that, which does not bother me. What bothers me is when; your friends cancel plans because the person they like cannot go. It pisses people off when your friends do that. DO NOT BE A JERK TO YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE SOMEONE YOU LIKE CANT BE THERE. SHOW UP AND BE A LITTLE BUMMED BUT SHOW UP.

In case you are concerned that the people in this posting are you, unless you went to Centennial High school and graduated June 12, 2001, it is not about you.

8.0

The New Year’s Kiss

This is a tradition, which I do not understand very well. Maybe it is because I have never done this tradition, or maybe because I don’t want to spread germs. HOWEVER, I would think that any tradition where you are going around kissing people in a large group, would lead to the spreading of the mononucleosis (the kissing disease). Now, MONO, as I will call it for short, because I don’t want to write out the long word ever time, takes you out of the game for like a month. I have never had mono, but I know people who have, and I hear it sucks. Not like a hicky, but like a nasty flu that last for a month. So why are earth are people going around helping these germs populate the earth. I mean this is no polio, but still. I thought germs were bad? Anyways, I guess what I am trying to say is where are these parties where people go kissing people willy nilly. There is a gal out there that I would like to ask out on a date, however, I don’t think that the last gentleman of the 21 century would use a stupid germ spreading tradition to kiss a girl. OR would he?

Part 7.34

Online Dating

    I have never paid for on-line dating. I did some free weekend trail thing on eHarmony once, to see what it was like. But other than that, nothing. I have a friend that is using a certain site, that we will call, Swell Arrow Shooting Baby. Now this site, you log on and then look at pictures to find your match. Now, I am not sure about you, but I don't think that looking at a picture is a good way to judge if you will like someone. I mean, I have pictures on my Facebook page from about 2 years ago; I was not as fat two years ago. I look totally different now. 

Picture Dating = absolute stupidness.

There is another friend of mine that is using a different service we will call pair.com, they use the information you use to find a match for you. I think, I have never used this site. Anyways, using info that people write about themselves to make a mathematical equation to find matches; I think that may be stupid too. 

 If you are that in need of a date/boyfriend/girlfriend, maybe that should be a clue, that you DON'T need to be dating anyone. Keep that in mind.

In conclusion, I think that on-line match making services are a waste of time and money.